Your life has one constant dynamic: relationships. This is actually a three-dimensional dynamic that involves your personal relationship with yourself; personal relationships with your friends, family, and/or romantic partner; and a spiritual connection with your Higher Power. Therefore, improving your “relational intelligence” makes perfect sense.
This is “The Relationship Tripod” where each of the tripods is represented by your relationship with yourself, your relationship with others, and your relationship with your Higher Power. A tripod does a better job of stabilizing whatever is on it (your life, in this case) when all three legs are sturdy and solid. If one or more of the legs is weak, there is an overload on the remaining leg(s) and loss of stability.
The goal is to balance and strengthen these three areas of your life so that you can face life’s challenges in a conscious and proactive manner. I invite you to deepen your relational intelligence and expand your relational awareness…all to create more powerful relationships in your life, and to enjoy the strongest and most fulfilling life you can.
relationship with yourself
very Are you living your life on purpose or by accident? Many people struggle with knowing their true purpose and therefore accept whatever comes into their life. What really turns you on? What do you feel most passionate about? Take some time to explore this.
balance Having a scale to rate your balance is helpful in furthering your goal, and in maintaining your health and wellness. Think of your goal as the hub of a wheel, and all the different areas of your life revolving around it. This will include areas such as social, spiritual, family, recreational, creativity, work/career, financial, physical and personal growth/emotional and material environments. What needs to happen in each area in order to maintain the highest level of balance?
Vision Aim and balance without vision is like gathering all your possessions and getting ready to move, but you have no idea where you are going. So, what does your future look like? Visualize how you want it to look. Return to the full Wheel of Life, and include each area in your visualization. Spend some time with this each day, as the more you visualize what you want, the clearer it will become. Try letting go of the “inner critic,” that part of you that’s always trying to bring down new ideas. Allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone with this one. Another useful activity is creating a vision map.
The goal of these exercises is to help create a “metaphysical vacuum” that will draw you toward whatever you want, while pulling whatever you desire towards you. This is the Law of Attraction in action. Remember that life is a journey, and like Columbus, you may sometimes end up not where you expected, but instead, where you wanted to be. The big challenge is letting go of the results, as they may change, and focusing on keeping yourself on the journey.
relationships with others
Absolutes – These are the relationship dynamics and personal characteristics of others that you must have in order to feel fulfilled. Without this relationship cannot exist. Trying to form a fulfilling relationship without these requirements is like trying to make an apple pie without the apples….try and try as you may, but it will never work. These are “deal makers and deal breakers” and have no room for negotiation, lest you sell yourself out and come up empty. There are also things that feed your soul, and then their absence makes you feel empty and unhappy.
border – These are your personal “ownership lines”. This is where someone else’s space ends and yours begins. When you know your requirements, what’s not acceptable, and what you should have, it’s easier to define your limits. Allowing others into this space when you don’t want them there creates an imbalance and often manifests as exhaustion and/or emotional exhaustion. Setting boundaries is often just the beginning; Maintaining it is the real challenge because others will often test you for your consistency.
communication Being able to speak directly, clearly, and assertively is just the beginning of creating healthy communication. Listening is actually the most powerful dynamic of communication. The ability to elicit non-reactive responses through reflection and empathy creates the strongest attitude as well as conserving a greater amount of your energy. Think of yourself as a bullfighter and your job is to invite dialogue your way, but not to “bump” into it. In being a strong listener, you actually have more control by trying to control less… Yes, less is more in this case.
Relationship with your Higher Power
soliloquy When and where do you feel most connected and most energized? Whether it be on the beach, in the mountains, while dancing or singing, in church, in prayer or in a meditative trance; These are the times, places, and activities in which you have the highest experience. When you allow yourself to be in these places and in these places, you allow yourself to have a spiritual connection that is fulfilling and also automatically adds balance to your life. Giving yourself regular doses of spiritual activity, or better yet, going on a spiritual retreat will do wonders for your spiritual relationship.
memoirs Writing to affirm yourself, to do healing work, or to do growth work can all be ways to enhance your spiritual connection. Write a letter to yourself reminding you of all your awesomeness, talents, and gifts. This can be a great way to help realize your highest potential… your God-given greatness. Write to get rid of old wounds, or a letter of forgiveness to get rid of old resentments. Both give you the freedom to be more in the present. The more you are in the present moment, and fully conscious, the more you are able to receive the spiritual connection.
reading There are thousands of books on spiritual practice, and more are being released every day. If you’re not sure about your spiritual path, do some reading and pay attention to what resonates with your soul…these are likely the pieces you’ve been looking for. If you know your spiritual path, stretch yourself out and do some reading outside of where you are. If you’ve already read them all, then maybe it’s time to pass on some of your knowledge and wisdom…. START WRITING THAT BOOK (and/or ARTICLE) YOU’VE BEEN THOUGHT!!
So here’s the challenge: make all of your relationships realism, which means relationships full of realism. Live a realistic life. Whether it is with others, with yourself, or with your Higher Power, allow yourself to be whole, balanced, and on your path to your highest self.