Are you looking for someone who is just right for you, but not sure where or how to find them? Many people say that opposites attract. Perhaps this is true, or perhaps this is exactly what we are told as a way of explaining the “mystery” of relationships.
Being right for each other is more about having a “fit” with your personality, habits, and things you think are important. I call this the “compatibility factor”. Here are seven forms of compatibility to look for in your relationship.
1. Personal compatibility: Do you really agree, or do you find that you are silently angry at the other person’s personality? Are you nervous and your date laid back? Think about if and how you will handle the tough days. Personality is a very important factor, and the most difficult to change.
2. Communication compatibility: Are you direct or indirect? Does one of you do all the talking? Are any of you the silent type? Look at your conversations. Decide if it flows, and whether it is fun for you.
3. Getting along with friends and family: Do you get along with each other’s friends and family, or is this a source of stress on your relationship?
4. Compatibility with health and nutrition: Are you a fan of healthy food or addicted to junk food? Is the only exercise you get from channel surfing? See if your health-related lifestyles match.
5. Financial Compatibility: Are you generous or frugal with your money? How is your partner in their financial affairs? Money is one of the things couples fight about most often. If you share similar goals and financial means, this can be very beneficial.
6. Educational compatibility: Some studies have found (and in my own experience and practice) that educational compatibility and global experience are important for many couples. People tend to feel more comfortable with others who share similar life experiences, professional opportunities, and world views.
7. Intimate Compatibility: Ideas of romance, intimacy, and closeness are at play here. One example is a PDA (not a laptop) but a public display of emotion. You may love hugging and kissing in public, and your partner may think it’s wrong. Having a style mismatch can lead to resentment and have a long-term effect on your love life together.
I hope you have recognized some factors of compatibility in your relationship. So what can you do if you are not compatible? You can
1. Accept things as they are
2. Work on yourself and the relationship
3. Leave the relationship.
If you choose to change, you can only change yourself. It is unreasonable to ask the person in your life to change unless they want to. If you are in the dating and selection process, it will be more effective to choose a compatible partner now than to “fix” something that is “broken” later. Don’t be afraid to let things go if things aren’t going well. Sometimes love really isn’t enough. Don’t worry, there are millions of singles in the world to choose from, and you just might find one that’s compatible with you!